Underneath the whitecoat

Life have been pretty busy aft my elective trip from Bangkok back in September. Done with final year paediatric n halfway through medicine posting already. Sometimes, I will miss my care free elective there, spending my most of my time in operation theatre, and realise that i have been so underexposed all these time. Four years through medical school, the more you know, the more you know that you don't know. :s not a good feeling.

Final year is here, and it's all about connecting the dots.

The dots that you have been collecting since the past four year and I confessed that, I have not been collecting enough dots to draw a straight line for the final year, a feeling that I am not ready yet, for the big things that are coming, after i have stepped out of the comfort zone of being a medical students.

Like what our lecturer always said, in a few months time, there will be no more teaching, but shouting, shouting and shouting. It's all about responsibilities. Not read enough? Still, You are in responsible of patients in the ward, some which put their full trust, some will scrutinize and being skeptical towards you, a young and not so confident doctor.

But somehow, underneath the whitecoat, I wanted something more apart from just my books.
Life. and time for myself.
Not just hospitals, but more of life, to travel, to learn a language, to read some good book, to know myself better, to love someone, to make friends,to hang out with old friends. and the list goes on. I figure out this can be harder to achieve even after i graduated :( but truth about life is that we cant have everything we want right? I am grateful for whatever I have got, but with those goals in mind, I would be motivated to strive for more.

Its not that I am not enjoying what am I doing right now, I am passionate about the job although Doctor is not a childhood dream. I don't have that background story of someone dear to me being taken away by illness when I was young. But somehow I figure it out during the process of growing up, affected by a lot of factors, got into it and started to grow fond of it. And then I reach the point of Final Year Medical Students, just a year away to the title that I feared about. A lot of doubts, but evyone is going through the same phase, I should do fine I guess?

The lacking part of me right now, I will try hard to amend it. Grow out of it and become a better one, cant accept becoming one that even doubtful about myself :)

So underneath the whitecoat, even I yearn for more compared to what I have already got, but once I put it on, I am still responsible for the path that I have chosen, for the choice that I have click in the application form 6 years ago. No one ever said that it's easy but they said it's worth it.
Till then, keep my heads up for more things that are yet to come!